Changes

One change I plan on making is to the history of woman’s rights. I plan on cutting excess material while analyzing the remaining material in respect to why this change was made and how it affected the future of women. Since the history of women’s rights begin in the late 1800’s, the things they fought to change reflect the aspects of their society they were bothered with. I can compare this want of change to the amount of change that actually came about due to the efforts. This change will not only improve the analysis aspect of my paper, but the logical aspects also. This section has an extreme amount of information while not all of it seems relevant. This change was pointed out by my teacher, Ms. Hoy.

Another change I am going to make will be to improve the flow of the paper. I will do this by integrating the quotes from my personal essays in various ways. The integration will also encourage further analysis instead of committing the infamous “plop and drop”. This change was brought to my attention during class while my teacher, Ms. Hoy, discussed how to properly cite sources. This should improve my paper’s clarity while providing variation for the reader.

During the class time we had to peer review, it was suggested to me to combine my thesis. However, after discussion with my teacher, I have decided not to make this change. If I tried to combine all the aspects of my thesis into a single sentence then the clarity would be lost or a major idea would be cut. While the thesis will remain, the hook line will be changed to grab the reader’s attention more. This change was brought up by Ms. Hoy. This could greatly improve my essay. This could greatly increase the number of people who read my essay.

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